Harry Potter

I'm watching Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.  The accents are wonderful. They remind me of the time I spent in England. I miss hearing the accent all the time. It was one part of my stay there that I sincerely loved.

While I was in England I spent time finding the British versions of all seven books. It was fun to read them. They're not overly different from the American versions, but they use certain words, like boogey (for booger), that made it interesting. I also enjoyed reading about trifles, a dessert, after having tried a few. That's not a common treat States' side, so it was fun to enjoy.

I also had the chance to visit Durham with one of the girls who was also in my same program. She did her undergraduate degree at Durham University. We went back for a Halloween event. Though visiting the locations where Diagon Alley and parts Hogwarts castle were set was not the highlight of that evening, it was still one of those really pleasurable moments. I didn't get any good pictures of it as it was already dark when we arrived that night. What an adventure.

Insomnia

I'm stuck at wide awake and totally tired in the same moment. 

I just want to fall asleep and my body is not having it. I hate when I can't sleep. 

What a HUGE bummer

So, I'm in the library working on the fifteen 500 word essays I have due for Monday kill me now, people, when Dr. Q. walks up with several books for a journal article she's revising to say hello (if you don't remember or didn't see my posts about Dr. Q. from the past check out this and this). I'm thrilled to see her, as always, because she's such a flipping rock star and I totally want to be her best friend (in a sincere and non-creepy way). I so wish I could accurately convey how amazing she is to y'all. She's really that excellent. No joke.

Anyway, we start talking a little bit and she explains that she's excited to have received an awesome gig to serve as a visiting faculty member at the school where she earned her PhD, which is also one of the best programs for higher education in the country. It's going to be a year long, and she's leaving next week, etc. etc. 

Now, she grew up in that state and has a lot of family very, VERY nearby. That's a massive draw. She also was already set up to be taking a sabbatical this fall semester to work on some really ground breaking research in an area that she is so clearly excited about, it's amazing. But, as she explains about all the awesome she's got going on, I begin to realize that she will not be here in the spring of 2014 if this position is for the next academic year. 

I was already bummed that I wouldn't be able to take a class with her this fall because of the sabbatical, but now she won't be back at OU before I graduate. I don't get to take another class with her at all, as I'm set to graduate in the Spring of 2014. I wish I was kidding when I say I am so sad that I want to cry about it. But, I am so not joking. I totally want to cry about this. 

I could blame the irrational emotion over a college professor on the upper respiratory infection I've got right now, but I'm pretty sure that cannot account for all the other times I've been an awkward crier in my life, so I'm going to chalk it up to the fact that I am really lucky to have had an opportunity to learn from some of the greatest educators in this program, and I'm bummed that I won't have a chance to take another one with the best of bunch. 

Damn. 

Yes, that.

As much as I love class, and I do love my classes, summer school is still trying to kill me.

I have fifteen 500 word essays to write for Monday. Awesome. Not.

My eyeballs also feel like I went swimming in the ocean for ten hours while clothes pins hold my eyelids open. They hurt, a lot.

I need a nap, an extra week to do all the things, something to make me sleep, and some simple solutions to big problems that I can't fix.

Yes, that.

This and that and whoa, a lot.

Summer school might be the death of me. There was a mistake online and I thought my course was spread out over the next few weekends. WRONG. It's the next two weeks Monday-Friday 1-5pm everyday.

This means I'm working from 8-noon, summer school from 1-5, meetings and events following, and then around 100 pages of reading every night plus assignments on top of that. I am a lot luckier than some - I'm not working full time. I do feel rather overwhelmed though.

I've lost five pounds in the last four days though. Hurrah! I'd like to keep that trend going.

I also have Alex's wedding this weekend. I'm a bridesmaid. I'm so looking forward to celebrating with her and Jeff. She's going to make a STUNNING bride. There is no doubt of that. It's just getting out of this head space that I'm in right now to fully enjoy the celebration. I think Friday morning mains and pedis with the bride and other bridesmaids will be just the trick.

start.rant//Norman does not have anywhere I can find a pair of black, satin, peep toe, pumps. Um, WHAT?!? It's not like I'm looking for 6 inch hot pink and electric blue metal studded wedges in size 13. I'm looking for a wardrobe staple shoe to wear with my dress and can't find a pair. I suppose I deserve it for waiting so long to look for a pair. I'm just super strapped for time and need to make an OKC trip at some point. Ain't nobody got time for that.//end.rant

Anyone else have fun plans for the weekend?

Broken

I'm in love with a man that I've just broken up with. That makes no sense, does it? No, it doesn't. 

He's the perfect man for me. He's kind, aware of my needs and utterly willing to meet them, so full of love and tenderness for me, encouraging, patient, honest. He's wonderful. 

But he lives 4500 miles away and I'm not strong enough to do distance any longer. He was willing to put everything in his life away for me. He planned to move all this way, just for me, and I told him I couldn't wait. 

I caved to the pressure I feel from everyone else to be able to explain our age difference, when the only explanation I have is that I love him. I'm in love with him.

I think I've made the biggest mistake of my life. I've been looking at what it would mean if we eloped, so he could legally stay here, so we wouldn't have to wait... Even then, I have to have a full time job to prove (to the government) I can support us both until his  work status was changed. I don't have a full time job, I can't prove that I can bring him here. 

And it feels like I can't keep waiting. I am such a fool. I hurt everywhere. I deserve it for hurting my best friend, the man I love, like this. I don't deserve him and his love. That much is obvious. I'm an idiot, a fool, and I'm cruel. 

I am so broken.

Moore, Oklahoma

Yesterday I posted about the tornado that ripped through Shawnee. Oklahoma. What I didn't know, what I couldn't know, was that within a few hours another EF 4 or EF 5 tornado was going to hit Moore, Oklahoma and tear it apart.

For those of you, like the most of the world, that do not know the geography of Oklahoma, Moore is less than 10 miles from where I live in Norman. Yesterday's storm rocked the heartland. The devastation from the storm is shocking and violent. The needs of the community are so heavy.

But Oklahomans will rise to the occasion and prove why disaster relief  is judged by the "Oklahoma Standard". You mess with one of us, you're going to get all of us. It is no less true today than it was during the May 3rd, 1999 tornado that hit Moore, or the April 19th, 1995 bombing of the Alfred P. Murrah Building.