the pen thief

I'm the type of girl that feels very self-sconscious about somewhat strange things. I have all the normal insecurities, too. Don't doubt that (haha), but I always worry when someone wants to look through my iTunes folder, the music on my phone, or my pandora playlists. I have always felt that you can tell A LOT about a person based on the music they listen to. I've always had a fear that people will judge me for not listening to the "right" music.

I was involved with a group on campus my junior year of college that brought a bunch of campus leaders together once a month. We did retreats and other fun stuff, as well as support each others' events. One of the things we did was a mixed CD exchange. We had a month's notice to bring this mix CD. I literally spent an entire month coming up with the playlist of 18 songs. I listened to them in order over and over to make sure they flowed, that the mix was fun, that it wouldn't be something someone could judge me negatively over. I also put a ton of music I LOVED on there. It wasn't just a party mix. It was a little piece of me in that plastic case. I wanted the person who got it to like it, to think it was a fun mix, to be excited about the surprise of it all. I was thrilled to get the mix I got. It was awesome and full of music I didn't have before the exchange. It was legit. I made a point of communicating that to the person who's CD I got.

The night of the CD exchange I was so nervous. The one person in the entire group I hoped would not get my mix ended up with it. She was actually a sorority sister of mine. At the time of all of this, she lived three doors down from my bedroom in the house. I knew from the minute she introduced herself to me during my freshman year by yelling at a new member (me - I'd pledged to join the house all of three days prior to this incident) for ten minutes about something I had no way of knowing about, she wasn't a person I wanted to be close to. For non-greek people, you shouldn't yell at new members, or anyone really, but especially the new girls... It's a good way to make them not want to join. It's also something we are taught from the very first moment after you are initiated. Treat the new members like angels because we love them, want them, and want to show them how much they have to look forward to. Epic face plant fail on her part with that move. She then continued to prove that she was not a very nice person. She had plenty of friends, so I'm sure she is perfectly nice to them otherwise they wouldn't be keen on friendship with her, but it just happens that the nice side of her personality was not what she chose to show me on the regular.

Her loss. 

Oh, where was I? Yes, the strange self-conscious things. So, I worry about how people will judge me based on my handwriting. I am always impressed with people's scrawls. I have handwriting envy. This is true of me since I was a kid. I have found there is a particular point width of pen that I like my handwriting in, so I got a lot of them. I use them more than any other pens I have because of this. Well, not really like the way I write, but with these I am less likely to think that my writing is gross and shame worthy. Hence, the pen importance. 

Then they started diappearing. I could not find them. They were mainly missing from my office. Clearly, someone stole them. Clearly. I had the one I kept in my backpack of this style and the one in my purse. The other five should be in my desk drawer. Dang pen knapper. 

Until I decided to clean out the "pen compartment" of my backpack, that is. I found all of the missing pens. So, I admit it. I stole the pens from my own desk at work and took them with me. I confess. I am grateful that I didn't voice my pen thief theory to anyone but my inner self. That would be embarrassing. I will also say I didn't realize I was stealing my own pens. I think that much is clear from this post, but it is no excuse. 

Except maybe an excuse to buy more school supplies. I love school supplies... they make me so happy. Just ask my mom or sister. You only think I'm kidding about that.

So, what should my self-imposed punishment be, oh wise internet and blog followers totaling two awesome and lovely people?