I wanted to be lazy today.

I really, REALLY wanted to be lazy today. I won't be.

This is the only reason I will hit my run this evening. 

bahahaha

I laughed so hard I almost cried.

Again, you're welcome.

You'll thank me later.

It's beautiful, isn't it? You're welcome.

I don't even care that it's April. That is brilliant. I love the interwebs.

Whoa March

So, I was a bad blogger in March. I went from a whopping 20 posts in February to a measly 11 in March. Yikes.

I don't dig it.

I will say that I feel like I had some legitimate reasons. ACPA and Spring Break (which were both WONDERFUL - holy awesomeness) were each a week long and did not really include much blogging. I'm ok with this.

But, I'm back at it and not planning to let that be a trend. I'm an avid blog follower person, and I check at least 4 times a week on my favorites. I want them to be full of fresh exciting things every time (I know, I'm high maintenance), but that's only a tad hypocritical if I'm not keeping up the pace.

So, to apologize and rectify the problem, I'm sending love and awesome in the form of frilly pink dresses, super cute accents, and preciousness.

You're welcome. 

Notice all the red?

Today, I am wearing red. Are you?

I believe, most sincerely, that everyone, ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE (with no exceptions) deserves the right to marry whom they wish regardless of sexuality or identity. Love is love is love is love. It is all equal.

Today, the issue of marriage equality goes before the Supreme Court. Today, I wear red to show my support of a cause that our children will look back at in awe and wonder why it was ever an issue for whether or not everyone was allowed to marry. Today, I want people to know exactly where I stand.

So, today I'm wearing red. Are you? 

I didn't fall off the blogging wagon....

Not that anyone noticed I was gone, haha. I have two totally awesome followers who I think are great. That's the grand total of my readership though. That's ok by me, maybe one day there will be more. But, that's not the point. The point is that I did not forget about the lucky two. I have a good reason for why I was MIA.

Drew came to visit for Spring Break! 

It was great fun. We really spent most of the time keeping it low key. It was wonderful. With how crazy my life has been for the past several weeks, it was actually perfect not to have a million things going on. 

We went to two OU baseball games, made a trip to Lawton, OK to work on a project for my Lean/Six Sigma greenbelt certification (what fun), went to a dueling piano bar in Bricktown, and just chilled. It was excellent.  

I am a lucky girl :). 

thumbs up

I hit the 230s. I didn't hit 230, but the first two numbers of my current weight are 2 and 3, in that order. I know that for a lot of people out there, you might be thinking, "Dang, that's something blog worthy?", but, for me, this is absolutely blog worthy. I'm a girl who definitely hit a whopping 302 towards the end of my senior year of college. I'm not busting out the happy dance at the 230s, but I am going to give myself a thumbs up and a nod.

or I'll let Taylor give me a thumbs up and a nodd. whatever. 

Random thought: why do we call it thumbs up even if it's only one thumb. That gif isn't TSwift giving me a thumb (singular) up - even though she totally is. 

Ok, back to why I'm posting, this is cool. I had a really long plateau, think 8 weeks long, of being in the 240s. I started running and still was not losing ANY weight... what the heck? I couldn't tell ya.

Regardless, I don't remember the last time I weighed in the 230s and this is coming off of Vegas and rich food, people. It could have been the end of high school... maybe? When you spend a lot of time feeling ashamed of your weight, and believe me, I totally have spent a TON of time being ashamed, you try to avoid the scale like it will give you leprosy forget the numbers on the scale ASAP. It doesn't feel good to look at a number that society tells you that you should be ashamed of, and I think that's probably putting it lightly when I'm totally honest. 

So, when I stepped on the scale this morning before work, saw 239.4; I did a double take, and smiled when the number stuck. It's not perfect, skinny, or even remotely in the normal/healthy range by any means, but it's a process. I'm taking steps to be where I'd like to be. I'm not there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday. And I get to give myself a thumbs up for that. 

High five to all the other ladies who have been here, who have struggled, and made it through. And to all the other chicas who are stuck, want to change, but are overwhelmed at where to begin or how daunting a task it seems to be, I feel you. I know where you are. You aren't invisible. I support your choice to stay exactly as you are or to make changes. You get to decide, and I support you either way. 

exhausted much?

So, I slept for 18 hours yesterday. Um, what? 

Apparently, Vegas, all the excitement of ACPA, coming home to finish my Greenbelt class (not the project - that's just starting), knowing I have an exam to cram for on Monday, and everything else going on since the start of February sent my body into crash mode.

I don't think I've ever slept so long in my entire life. My mother would be ashamed. She used to tell us naps meant we were being lazy. I have worked hard to rewire that notion. Sometimes, they are just necessary and that's ok.

After my greenbelt (LEAN/Six Sigma) class in the morning and lunch/work time with my group to get the project rolling, I went home for what I intended to be a brief nap followed by time at the library to study for my Adult Learner test. That was about 2:30. I woke up at 8:30, looked at the clock and said, "Nope, no studying today." I used the restroom, crawled back into bed and went back to sleep. I woke up again around 1:30 for another bathroom break, then I went back to bed until about 7:30 this morning.

I was tired. 

And for the first time in weeks, I woke up totally rested rather than dragging as if I hadn't slept. 

It was glorious and necessary, that much is obvious. At least to me it was based on the fact that my body allowed me to sleep for that long. Even when I stayed up for 48 hours straight on one of the trips from England (stayed up all night to try and make me sleep on the plane - it didn't work), I didn't sleep more than 10 hours. Now, I'm at the library studying for my test tomorrow. I'm pretty nervous about it because I really do not know what to expect. That said, I'll probably be here for another six or seven hours to get that figured out. I got here at noon (when it opened) and expect to be here until 10 or 11. Maybe later. They close at 2 on regular (non-finals week) Sundays. 

I promise to make a post or two about the awesome that was ACPA. I just figured a bit of a study break  was necessary as well as a longer post since ACPA kind of threw all that off. 

It's good to be back, I think :). 

productivity

I'm being uber productive right now. Not.

We're watching a film in class, and I'm writing this post. I don't typically do this...at least not in this master's program. I enjoy my classes. Massively. I think I'm lucky in that respect. I find them relevant, engaging, important. They mean a lot to me. What I am learning means a lot to me. The students I want to work with mean a lot to me.

I'm trying to figure out where I am headed in the long run and even still, a year from now. I have an extreme dislike for ambiguity and the unknown. I like having a plan and sticking to the plan. I don't always have to stay with the plan if something else comes up, but I am a fan of a good list, setting goals, making a plan and using it.

I can be a bit of a control freak. 

I know, shocking. I'm working on it.

As a back up to changing my entire personality, I'm working on a plan. Where am I applying for jobs? I graduate in May of next year. I want to work at OU so badly. I also recognize that I am coming from a really cool program where a big chunk of the people in the program would also like to work here full time. Reason stands that it's just not a possibility for all of the recent grads from OU to work at OU. So, I need to look beyond the beauty of Norman and my beloved Crimson and Cream. Dang thinking like a grown up. 

I also need to figure out if I am going to pursue a PhD at some point. I've already taken the GRE. Twice. I scored pretty well both times (better the second). Those scores "last" for 5 years. I took it fall of 2011, so I have until fall of 2016 to use those scores without needing to retake it. I have no desire to retake that test. It's gross. This is keeping in mind that I don't finish this program until May of 2014. I plan to work for a year or two before doing the application process over again. Otherwise my dad may disown me, or at least threaten to. 

So, I've got a bit of a time line to when I apply if I decide that's what I want. In that, I also need to figure out what I want to research (because that's what you do in a PhD) and what program I want to apply to. Maybe I apply to multiple programs at different schools in different areas. Do I pursue a doctorate in higher education and student affairs like I'm currently studying and love? Do I look into trying for a PhD in counseling psychology? Do I dare try again for the clinical psychology PhD? I mean, I've only already applied twice to those programs with no success. I don't know. I don't have an answer. 

But, that's the problem with my desire to have it all planned out, isn't it? Yes, it probably is. 

I'm starting another blog...

Hi, my name is Mallory (Hi, Mallory).

I am a perpetual starter and not follow through-er. Well, let me amend that statement. It really only applies to blogs, working out consistently, and taking pictures regularly. Otherwise, I'm pretty consistent on my general follow through. And by pretty consistent, I mean I am ferociously attentive to commitments and making sure I tick the boxes. I also have a tendency to quantify statements. For an example, please reread this paragraph.

So, I'm starting another blog. This one, I hope, will be a place that's less about a theme (like the blog I somewhat successfully tried to keep while living abroad to work on a master's degree that turned out to be utterly useless great for helping me get into another master's program that might actually be useful), and more of a place for me to "talk" through the things going on in my life that are great, frustrating, exciting, draining, and just there.

So, to introduce myself with a little bit more clarity than my first paragraph or two, Hi, my name is Mallory. I'm 25; currently living, working and going to school in Oklahoma; I grew up in Houston, Texas with a set of wonderful, once in a lifetime, friends (who I miss so fiercely it sometimes brings tears to my eyes) I did not fully appreciate until I hit 24; and I'm working my butt off to figure the rest of it out.

These are some things that I'm sure will come up as I write about my life, so I'll put this out there for reference. I'm thoughtful like that, you know.

• I'm training for a 5k in May. 
• I hate running, but I decided this would be a good idea. We'll see how that goes. Please reference the afore mentioned inconsistency with working out.
• I'm also not sure why this was the first thing on my list of things you should know... Yes, you'll hear about it, but is it a vitally important life thing for me? Hmmm, oh to ponder. 
• I'm in my first year of my second master's degree. You will hear all about how that came to be.
• I have a brilliant family who I love deeply. They're sometimes a tough bunch to please. I have always been well loved, but I sincerely believe that no one grows up without a few scars. 
• I especially adore my younger sister. She's kind of my idol. I'm pretty sure she doesn't actually know that, though I try to show her regularly. She really is a rock star, I want to be just like her when I grow up. 
• I'm dating someone significantly older than I am. Yes, he's met the family. No, I'm not sure they approve. 
• He also happens to live in England. Yeah, let me just tell you about long distance relationships...

AND

• I'm a girl filled to the brim with feelings. I have always felt everything stronger than I think most people do. When it's joy or passion or happiness or excitement, I will be the first to cheer you on, to congratulate you, or dive right in ready for an adventure. I'm tenderhearted, but fiercely passionate. When it's the tough stuff, this occasionally causes my eyes to leak (who am I kidding with that - I'm a total crier and have hated this part of myself for a long, long time). This is hard for me because I spent a large chunk of my childhood learning that my sensitivity and ability to feel what other people feel makes me weak. I am currently working to actively change my own mind about this. Being empathetic - sincerely feeling what those around me feel - with a particular sensitivity to disappointment toward me from others and myself, does not make me weak. It occasionally makes me cry, but never weak. Never that. 

My fingers are crossed, and with a little bit of luck, I'll stick this blog through. I hope you'll share in the smiles, tears, fun, and laughter. In the mean time, maybe we can just be friends.

In case I didn't introduce myself before... Hi, my name is Mallory. Nice to meet you.