What a HUGE bummer

So, I'm in the library working on the fifteen 500 word essays I have due for Monday kill me now, people, when Dr. Q. walks up with several books for a journal article she's revising to say hello (if you don't remember or didn't see my posts about Dr. Q. from the past check out this and this). I'm thrilled to see her, as always, because she's such a flipping rock star and I totally want to be her best friend (in a sincere and non-creepy way). I so wish I could accurately convey how amazing she is to y'all. She's really that excellent. No joke.

Anyway, we start talking a little bit and she explains that she's excited to have received an awesome gig to serve as a visiting faculty member at the school where she earned her PhD, which is also one of the best programs for higher education in the country. It's going to be a year long, and she's leaving next week, etc. etc. 

Now, she grew up in that state and has a lot of family very, VERY nearby. That's a massive draw. She also was already set up to be taking a sabbatical this fall semester to work on some really ground breaking research in an area that she is so clearly excited about, it's amazing. But, as she explains about all the awesome she's got going on, I begin to realize that she will not be here in the spring of 2014 if this position is for the next academic year. 

I was already bummed that I wouldn't be able to take a class with her this fall because of the sabbatical, but now she won't be back at OU before I graduate. I don't get to take another class with her at all, as I'm set to graduate in the Spring of 2014. I wish I was kidding when I say I am so sad that I want to cry about it. But, I am so not joking. I totally want to cry about this. 

I could blame the irrational emotion over a college professor on the upper respiratory infection I've got right now, but I'm pretty sure that cannot account for all the other times I've been an awkward crier in my life, so I'm going to chalk it up to the fact that I am really lucky to have had an opportunity to learn from some of the greatest educators in this program, and I'm bummed that I won't have a chance to take another one with the best of bunch. 

Damn. 

Notice all the red?

Today, I am wearing red. Are you?

I believe, most sincerely, that everyone, ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE (with no exceptions) deserves the right to marry whom they wish regardless of sexuality or identity. Love is love is love is love. It is all equal.

Today, the issue of marriage equality goes before the Supreme Court. Today, I wear red to show my support of a cause that our children will look back at in awe and wonder why it was ever an issue for whether or not everyone was allowed to marry. Today, I want people to know exactly where I stand.

So, today I'm wearing red. Are you? 

productivity

I'm being uber productive right now. Not.

We're watching a film in class, and I'm writing this post. I don't typically do this...at least not in this master's program. I enjoy my classes. Massively. I think I'm lucky in that respect. I find them relevant, engaging, important. They mean a lot to me. What I am learning means a lot to me. The students I want to work with mean a lot to me.

I'm trying to figure out where I am headed in the long run and even still, a year from now. I have an extreme dislike for ambiguity and the unknown. I like having a plan and sticking to the plan. I don't always have to stay with the plan if something else comes up, but I am a fan of a good list, setting goals, making a plan and using it.

I can be a bit of a control freak. 

I know, shocking. I'm working on it.

As a back up to changing my entire personality, I'm working on a plan. Where am I applying for jobs? I graduate in May of next year. I want to work at OU so badly. I also recognize that I am coming from a really cool program where a big chunk of the people in the program would also like to work here full time. Reason stands that it's just not a possibility for all of the recent grads from OU to work at OU. So, I need to look beyond the beauty of Norman and my beloved Crimson and Cream. Dang thinking like a grown up. 

I also need to figure out if I am going to pursue a PhD at some point. I've already taken the GRE. Twice. I scored pretty well both times (better the second). Those scores "last" for 5 years. I took it fall of 2011, so I have until fall of 2016 to use those scores without needing to retake it. I have no desire to retake that test. It's gross. This is keeping in mind that I don't finish this program until May of 2014. I plan to work for a year or two before doing the application process over again. Otherwise my dad may disown me, or at least threaten to. 

So, I've got a bit of a time line to when I apply if I decide that's what I want. In that, I also need to figure out what I want to research (because that's what you do in a PhD) and what program I want to apply to. Maybe I apply to multiple programs at different schools in different areas. Do I pursue a doctorate in higher education and student affairs like I'm currently studying and love? Do I look into trying for a PhD in counseling psychology? Do I dare try again for the clinical psychology PhD? I mean, I've only already applied twice to those programs with no success. I don't know. I don't have an answer. 

But, that's the problem with my desire to have it all planned out, isn't it? Yes, it probably is.