thoughts for the day.

So, my dad went to therapy with me. I have a lot of feelings about this that I'm not overly ready to get into, but it has given me a lot to think about. I also want to preface all of this with a few things.

1. I am exceptionally loved. This is not something I doubt and it is not something I have ever questioned. 
2. I have never gone without anything I needed. 
3. My father's care for me and my needs is so amazingly apparent in his willingness to fly 500 miles to go to therapy with me even though he is not a fan of therapy at all. 

One of the things that my therapist made mention of was how it's clear that I run the conversations Dad and I have had in real life, or the way I think they would go if we were talking about X subject, whatever X subject is, in my head over and over. Because I know his responses so well, and sincerely, I do know his responses and how they make me feel so well, it is exhausting.

I expend the emotions and mental worry over these conversations I hold in my head when I rehearse them which makes me not want to repeat the conversation in person for the exact same outcome and the additional burden of the actual experience as opposed to just the expectation of the awfulness of it all. Though my internal perception of what will come is typically spot on, it's worse in some ways because it's not actually my parents saying those words (until they do), but rather me telling myself the same things they would. It's a double whammy after it's come from me a few dozen times followed by the actual conversation with them.

So, I avoid bringing things up entirely and have become very good at just telling my parents the stuff they need to know on a need to know basis. They feel very cut out of the loop by this. I get that. It's my fault and a deserved criticism. I have done it as a way to protect myself from the weight and shame of being utterly disappointing. I also try to present everything as a complete and neat package so that I'm ready to field the upset and angry questions with all of the answers.

I'm too organized and too scared go in without every angle set, but that's what they don't like.

It's hard to know what to do about it. Really hard. But, I'm thinking about it and trying to figure something out.

I wanted to be lazy today.

I really, REALLY wanted to be lazy today. I won't be.

This is the only reason I will hit my run this evening. 

This and that.

I about died laughing at this post and the hashtags. You should check it out. 

Girls Wine Weekend in Dallas was a raging success. Pictures to follow - promise.

Also: I had Blue Fish (sushi joint) in Dallas for the first time. The rolls were UH-MAZE-ING. Seriously. The Sunday and Miami Vice were particularly delish. 

BUT, the Ahi Tower (something I was somewhat skeptical of based on the description) was so flipping good, holy cow, I want one now, all the noms. Whoa. 

This is what it looks like when they start (or something very similar)...

After they smoosh it together (smoosh is a very technical term). 

I wasn't sure it would be very good based on the second picture and the mediocre description. Wrong. Never been more wrong in my life, ever. It was so damn tasty. I want one right now. #getatmesushi

bahahaha

I laughed so hard I almost cried.

Again, you're welcome.

You'll thank me later.

It's beautiful, isn't it? You're welcome.

I don't even care that it's April. That is brilliant. I love the interwebs.

today has been productive

and it's only 6:26 am.

Last night my dear friend, Kate, and I went to dinner/drinks/pretend to study/keep ourselves from freaking out over the state of our complicated, though exciting, futures together after our class got out at 7:05. We stayed at The Garage (a really great burger place in Norman) until 11:30, and then I came home to pack for the Girl's Wine Weekend in Grapevine, Texas this weekend. There will be more on that, promise.

So, get home way late (for a work night), have not packed, have not been to the store to get necessary things like razor blades so I don't have leg hair that has been growing out since Drew went back to England stubbly legs (I've been shaving my armpits - don't you worry), have not finished the massive spread sheet about PhD programs that I may or may not be applying to come September 1, and have not talked to my boyfriend who wakes up super early so I can stress/freak out at him for my own silliness. I'm a lucky girl on that count.

This all leads to the decision (at 1:30 this morning) to go to Walmart when I wake up at 4:30 (so I can get the necessary razor blades among other things) for this weekend. So, my happy (ha) self was at WalMart for 4:50 this morning, I've done the shopping, I've showered and shaved, I'm about to do my makeup and pack the very last of my things (toiletries mainly) for the trip, and then I'm off to work for two hours before my friends swoop me away south.

So, like I said, today has been surprisingly productive and now it's 6:33 am.

Whoa March

So, I was a bad blogger in March. I went from a whopping 20 posts in February to a measly 11 in March. Yikes.

I don't dig it.

I will say that I feel like I had some legitimate reasons. ACPA and Spring Break (which were both WONDERFUL - holy awesomeness) were each a week long and did not really include much blogging. I'm ok with this.

But, I'm back at it and not planning to let that be a trend. I'm an avid blog follower person, and I check at least 4 times a week on my favorites. I want them to be full of fresh exciting things every time (I know, I'm high maintenance), but that's only a tad hypocritical if I'm not keeping up the pace.

So, to apologize and rectify the problem, I'm sending love and awesome in the form of frilly pink dresses, super cute accents, and preciousness.

You're welcome. 

damn nature you scary

Since most of you are not from Oklahoma, I can understand why you aren't so sure about this whole weather thing here. I mean, it can't be that bad, right? 

Well, unlike hurricanes where you have a week or longer worth of notice, you might have 5 minutes of warning with tornados. I mean, it's probably a sign that there are some crazy weather happenings in the area when the NATIONAL WEATHER CENTER has their government agency located in Norman, the number one meteorology program in the country is at the University of Oklahoma, and you have to have government clearance to take the classes and be in the building permanently... You know, no big deal. 

So, when I woke up to the loudest thunderstorm with hail on Easter morning at 3:30, I was also listening for the tornado sirens. It's not quite tornado season just yet, but hail is an indicator, and there was plenty of wind and hail happening. 

I didn't take this photo, I stole it from one of the news stations. 

Luckily, I didn't hear the sirens going off and my trusty iphone confirmed that there was no active tornado watches or warnings. That said, here is a picture of my friend, Alex, and me in the back room shoe storage area at Dillard's during an active tornado warning during the spring of 2010.

We were having fun, but the people stuck with us were slightly freaked out. We got yelled at by some lady because we had some tunes working. We also were shopping around in the store room area until some guy from Dillard's cut that short. Lame.

sometimes things are simple

I'm currently working on my Greenbelt project for the Lean/Six Sigma class I took a few weekends ago. 

"Six Sigma seeks to improve the quality of process outputs by identifying and removing the causes of defects (errors) and minimizing variability in manufacturing and business processes.^[5] It uses a set of quality management methods, including statistical methods, and creates a special infrastructure of people within the organization ("Champions", "Black Belts", "Green Belts", "Orange Belts", etc.) who are experts in these very complex methods.^[5] Each Six Sigma project carried out within an organization follows a defined sequence of steps and has quantified financial targets (cost reduction and/or profit increase).<sup>[5]" (Wikipedia)

"</sup>Lean manufacturing, lean enterprise, or lean production, often simply, "Lean," is a production practice that considers the expenditure of resources for any goal other than the creation of value for the end customer to be wasteful, and thus a target for elimination. Working from the perspective of the customer who consumes a product or service, "value" is defined as any action or process that a customer would be willing to pay for." (wikipedia)

So, it's really thrilling stuff that is going to be *extremely* valuable for my career in Higher Education (please tell me you recognized the sarcasm).  

My dad said I should do it, so I'm doing it. Gotta love being an overachieving, people pleaser. It's been fine, but more more work to add to an already exhausting semester. 

Occasionally though, things are simple. I was able to download a report that had already analyzed the survey results from the customer satisfaction survey we did. Thank goodness for that. Holy moly.